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What is a “Survivors’ Celebration Gathering?”

This is a retreat at a peaceful campground in north Oklahoma, outside of Stillwater (exact directions are provided following registration). We gather women Survivors from around the world who come together to celebrate their friendships and camaraderie with each other. It is a time of safety, fun, and openness—there is no need for anyone to hide her life’s story for fear of rejection.

My wife and I began this four years ago as a way to gather and honor our many friends from around the country, who we had come to know through the years of our involvement in this work. Unlike other retreats, this one is co-planned beforehand by us and the women who attend, all chipping in their suggestions! Since it began, this event has doubled in size and included women from 18 states and three countries, age 17 to 63. Nobody ever thought it would be this successful, and since it started I've been invited to train rape crisis centers and sexual assault conferences about our gathering!

This retreat is not a product of any agency or business, and is not done as a job. It was designed as a collective effort to offer something more creative, spiritual, and friendship-based than convensional "professional services" can offer.

Is it safe?

The retreat is fully insured, and is hosted at the campgrounds of the Community of Christ Church, from whom we rent the property. The retreat is not affiliated with any denomination and has no religious evangelical agenda. Among the participants can be found nurses, doctors, social workers, ministers, and teachers. There has never been a safety incident (including both medical and emotional well-being), and some of our best feedback each year comes from women who specifically thank us for our careful advance planning for safety and comfort. The event is private, so there is no intrusion or observation by outsiders. We’ve even had teens travel all the way to Oklahoma just to attend, and their experiences were so positive that their families have supported their return for each subsequent year. There are no compulsory activities, no “tests of endurance”-type events, no “take a risk to prove a point” gimmicks. Since the retreat began, therapists in other states have even referred women to it!

While at the retreat, participants stay in dormroom-style rooms (either bunking with a friend by choice, or in a private room--also by choice). Each room has a newly-remodeled private bathroom and shower. This is not a "rustic" retreat: it's not tents and "roughing it." It's air-conditioned with beds and mattresses (guests will need to bring a pillow and single set of bedding/sheets, or buy them when they arrive in town), a huge dining area (with TONS of snacks at all times), a hiking trail, pond, hawks, and prairie (and some women SWEAR to this day they've heard Bigfoot in the woods. I don't believe it). It's also secluded enough to be safely private, but close enough to town for trips to Wal-Mart or fast food, as needed. Hey, we all need a Mountain Dew sometimes!

What this gathering is not:

This is not a “rape retreat.” For one thing, we don’t exclude women based on a trauma criteria. We want each woman to define herself as a Survivor on her own terms, which allows any woman who has survived trauma to belong. We have rape survivors, child abuse survivors, domestic violence survivors, and suicide attempt survivors. There is no pressure whatsoever for anyone to divulge her story in order to earn inclusion among the others. In fact, we don’t even ask anyone to disclose their personal histories at all! There’s no need to fear being “opened up” by having to speak up about your story, or having to worry that you might not measure up to the others in the group. You’ll fit in far better by sharing a good sense of humor than by any other trait!

For another thing, we simply don’t orient the retreat around a negative topic. There is no “sit in a group and talk about rape” activity. There is no “open up our stories to each other” activity. Women who choose to share with one another are free to do so, but it is done spontaneously in friendship, not as an organized process.

This is not “therapy camp.” We don’t spend a weekend hashing out our bad stuff, and this event is not intended to be a form of crisis intervention or compressed psychotherapy. In fact, a person in acute crisis who is at risk to herself or others would not be appropriate for this event. If you are considering attending for the first time, I suggest joining the Resurrection After Rape community discussion in advance, to get to know the others you'll meet. This weekend is not an immersion into the topic of trauma, it is immersion into celebration and healing. Oh, we do address trauma (celebration doesn't mean “denial and avoidance”), but it's not done in a way that compounds difficult feelings or forces people to imitate therapy. Frankly, nobody's all that interested in spending a weekend in therapy. At this gathering, if someone's up at night crying they'll be treated as a friend, not as a crisis case.

What kinds of things do people do at this gathering?

We have intentionally kept the agenda loose and rather unstructured, because the best feedback from participants is always about the “down time” for casual socialization. There is no rush from one activity to the next, and events happen at the time that feels right. Even at midnight, the women have had "strokes of inspiration" to do something creative, or just fun together!

We have a presentation by our guest of honor, who addresses all of us as a group during Friday afternoon. Each day, we’ll have a sweatlodge ceremony for those who choose to participate (more on that below). On the last evening, we have a live concert by our guest of honor. There are art projects to do, nature trails to walk, a small lake to stroll around, and LOTS of food and snacks.

But the cement of the gathering is the in-between times, when women “hang out” and roast marshmallows together, sit around a bonfire, hang out in the hallway for late-night gabfests (“slumber party” style), pile into someone’s car to sneak into town and raid the local Wal-Mart or Sonic for snacks, plan pranks on each other and the retreat leaders, and typically get very little sleep. Laughter and mischief are the norm; the gathering is a place to experience everything from a depth of spirituality and old-fashioned harmless fun. The Cage Match Fighting Tournament is the last day. (kidding!)

Who is the Guest of Honor?

We are very fortunate to host Bill Miller as our guest every year. It would normally be unusual for a retreat of this type to feature a male in this role, but Bill is a very special person. He’s a three-time Grammy-winning musician who writes folk, rock, and blues music, all from the point of view of his Native American heritage. Bill has toured with Tori Amos, Pearl Jam, Bruce Springsteen, and many others (the first year he came to the retreat, he had opened a concert at Madison Square Gardens the week before). Bill’s a storyteller and humorist, and he’s also a Survivor. His story, which he only shares here (he doesn’t talk publicly about these parts of his life) is powerful and inspiring, and Bill fits right in with us. He stays in town, not on the premises, and travels to the retreat daily to participate.

What’s this about a “sweatlodge?"

A sweatlodge is an ancient Native American prayer ceremony used for healing and purification. It has been used by every North American tribe, and remains an ongoing traditional practice. This reverent, powerful ceremony is used to bring a sense of connection, cleansing, pride, and hope to each person who participates. You can read more about this ceremony here.

The ceremony at our gathering is done in a very traditional manner. It is conducted by my close friend of many years, who is a full-blood Cheyenne man. The ceremony is purely voluntary, and absolutely safe.

Wasn’t some guy on the news for his retreat’s sweatlodge going wrong and hurting people?

Yes, and those of us who regularly participate in authentic sweatlodge ceremonies are deeply offended by what he did. The “sweatlodge” that resulted in fatalities at a new-age retreat was so bogus as to be offensive to traditional practitioners, and is not comparable to the activity we offer.

That phony “sweatlodge” was constructed of toxic materials, and crammed with several dozen participants who had previously been deprived of food and water, and then admonished not to leave the ceremony. The facilitator, a self-help guru who ran his retreat for profit, boasted that his lodge was dangerously intense, and he declined to assist people who began to exhibit health problems. In short, his ceremony was run in a dangerous, improper manner, and he exhibited arrogance and recklessness in the process. Native and spiritual leaders have unanimously condemned his counterfeit sweatlodge and described him as a charlatan.

An authentic sweatlodge is built safely with very specific materials. The ceremony itself is done calmly, with reverence and serenity. The purpose of the ceremony is to uplift and strengthen each person, not to “test” them, put them through dangerous physical risk, or shame them for their personal limitations. The leader of the ceremony is very humble and patient, and does not set himself up as a superior leader. No Native tribe permits its ceremonies to be done for profit, because the purpose of ceremonies is to honor life, not exploit it--and that is how we do it. No profit, no “pay-to-pray” ceremonies, no “fake holy man” charlatans. At its best, a sweatlodge ceremony is more than just safe, it is also positive, healthy, hopeful, and inspiring. This is not a “Native American Retreat,” but since it is an all-welcoming spiritual retreat it is necessary to clarify the proper context for the Native traditions which are included as well.

Nothing about this ceremony (or gathering as a whole) is bizarre, new-age, or mystical. Nor are these ceremonies typically open to outsiders, so the opportunity to participate in a genuine traditional ceremony, led by a Native person with years of training in the manner passed on for thousands of years, is very special.

What’s so good about a Sweatlodge Ceremony?

The first year we hosted this retreat, women were curious but properly apprehensive about the sweatlodge. They participated nonetheless, and then proclaimed it to be “the most healing experience we’ve ever had.” Some of them have said they would attend this retreat even if it consisted of nothing more than this! One woman said that she now measures her life as “the time before the sweatlodge, and the time after it” because “I’m not the same woman anymore.” After the ceremony, the women gather around the fire to burn various symbols of their traumas: photographs, letters, medical reports from rape exams, old clothing, whatever. This powerful experience is tearful and joyful at once.

Sweatlodge ceremonies have abundant medical and psychological research in their favor, and new research continues to emerge as more clinicians come to recognize its usefulness in assisting survivors of trauma, especially those with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder:

Aung, Steven KH, MD, FAAFP. (2006). “The Sweat Lodge Healing Experience: An Integrative Medical Perspective.” The Rose Croix Journal, 3:14. www.rosecroixjournal.org and www.aung.com.

American Psychiatric Association: American Psychiatric Association Practice Guidelines for the Treatment of Psychiatric Disorders 2004. “Practice Guideline for the Treatment of Patients With Acute Stress Disorder and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.”

Gerrity, Ellen T. and Solomon, Susan D. “The Treatment of PTSD and Related Stress Disorders: Current Research and Clinical Knowledge.” Ethnocultural Aspects of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: Issues, Research, and Clinical Applications. pp 87-104. Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association.

Martin, Morgan, M.D. (1981). “Native American Medicine.” Journal of the American Medical Association, 245:2

Ochberg, Frank M. (1988). Post-Traumatic Therapy and Victims of Violence. Brunner/Mazel, Inc., p263+

Schiff, Jeanette Wagemakers, and Moore, Kerry. (2006). “The Impact Of The Sweat Lodge Ceremony On Dimensions Of Well-Being.” American Indian And Alaska Native Mental Health Research Journal, 13:3, pp48-69.

Schiraldi, Glenn R. (2009). The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Workbook, McGraw-Hill, p245+.

Silver, Steven M., and Wilson, John P. (1988). “Native American Healing and Purification Rituals for War Stress.” Human Adaptation to Extreme Stress, Plenum Press, NY.

Walkingstick, M.G, & Osborne, W.L. (1995). “The Native American Sweat Lodge As Metaphor For Group Work.” Journal for Specialists in Group Work, 20, 33-39.

Yule, William. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders: Concepts and Therapy. Wiley, University of Michigan, 1999.

It is used in treatment centers across the U.S. and Canada. It is used by Federal V.A. programs with veterans. It is used for rape and sexual abuse victims by many counseling programs and women’s centers. It is endorsed by a plurality of tribal treatment centers. The National Association of Social Workers hosted a sweatlodge at one of its own conferences. One scholar commented,

The sweat lodge and many traditional systems of healing share much in common with modern psychotherapy. The sweat lodge can heal by creating meaning for groups and individuals. Ritual narrative is fundamental to the construction of cultural identity and to social cohesion. Therefore, it may build culturally-congruent meaning in ways that modern psychotherapy does not. The sweat lodge is already used in medical settings and modern therapeutic contexts, such as counseling centers, hospitals, and prisons.

…There are important reasons to include [the sweat lodge] in modern practice…The sweat lodge helps provide meaning to experience, promotes self-esteem, and promotes solidarity in the group. [It] can renew moral strength and help individuals to come to terms with trauma in a manner consistent with their sense of self and community.

(From Smith, David Paul. (2005) "The sweat lodge as psychotherapy." In R. Moodley & W. West (Eds.). Integrating Traditional Healing Practices Into Counseling And Psychotherapy. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. pp196-209.)

Is this a religious event?

No - it is spiritual but not religious. This gathering is not affiliated with any denomination, and has no evangelical agenda, and is not a “new-age” weekend. There is no particular faith tradition being endorsed. Participants will not be subjected to any religious pressure whatsoever. God, and spirituality’s role in healing, are integral topics (this is, after all a “spiritual healing retreat”), but in a way that is accessible to each participant.

In past years, our participants have included Christians (including ordained ministers), Jews, agnostic/atheists, traditional Native Americans, and “spiritual but not religious” people - all of whom have been enthusiastically welcomed.

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